Beautiful Lady

Man : I am looking for a beautiful lady
Woman : Here i come
Man : Good.. now help me to find her.. :-)

Will you marry?

Husband : Will you marry after my death?
Wife: No I will live with my sister. Will you marry after my death?
Husband: No I will also live with your sister.

Teacher student Joke

1.
Teacher: Now, you must not say, “I ain’t goin’.” You should say, “I am not going, he is not going; we are not going; they are not going.”

Student: Wow! Ain’t nobody goin’ then?

2.
Teacher: I wish you'd pay a little attention Rohit.
Rohit: I am paying as little as I can teacher.

Funny Quotes

1. Defination of Friends:

Friends are those who can make us laugh when we are crying.... and
vice versa. ;-)

2. I am unique, just like everyone else

3. I don't have a drinking problem... I'm just really thirsty

4. I stopped fighting my inner demons we are now on the same side now

5. I had a dream.....and I was dreaming same dream in that dream

6. I am not confused, am i ?

Joke

The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.

One student got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in well last week."

"Oh god!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"

"He must be," said Student. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."

The moment of truth

Rahul's Dad brought home a robot one day.

The robot had the ability to detect lies and would slap the person who lied.
Rahul returned late from school.
Dad asked, “Son why are you late from school?”
“Dad, we had extra classes today”.
Robot slapped Rahul on his face.
Dad shouted, "Come on tell me the truth, why are you late?"
“Dad, I went to see the movie Ten Commandments.”
Robot slapped Rahul on his face.
Sorry dad, I went to see the movie "Chameli Ki Jawaani".
"Shame on you son, when I was your age, I never watched obscene movies or misbehaved."
Immediately, Dad gets a slap on the face from the robot..
Rahul's mom comes walking out of the kitchen and says to her husband, "After all, he's your son!"

The robot slaps the mom.

Family Problems

Comparison of Complexities of American Family and Indian Family ... Very Funny Joke:-)

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot. The Indian man said to the American, "You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once." We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems." The American said, Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.. And you say you have family problems.. Gimme a break !!

Funny Court Jokes

Things people have actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Husband Wife Jokes

Categories : Husband wife jokes and men women jokes

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is
always right and the other is the husband!

Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied; "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"

First Soldier: "What made U go into the army?"
Second Soldier: "I had no wife and I loved war. What about you?"
First Soldier: "Well, I had a wife and loved peace."

To Loose Weight

Categories : Santa Banta Jokes

The doctor told Santa singh that if he ran 8 kilometers a day for
300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Santa singh
called the doctor over STD to report he had lost the weight, but he had a
problem.
"What's the problem?"asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."

Funny Qoutes

Here are some Funny Quotes

1. Love is blind, marriage opens eyes !

2. God give me strength to remain patient, right now !!

3. Love animals, they are tasty !!

4. Save water ! Drink Bear !!

5. Money is not everything ; Credit cards are also there ....

Clever Boy

Men Women Joke

BOY: My girlfriend broke up with me.
she sent her pics with her new boyfriend
FRIEND : really bad
what u did ?
BOY: I sent them to her dad..............